Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
