I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
