Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
