Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
only you would photoshop your dick
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
