I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
