The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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