All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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