Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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