There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
