i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
