I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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