Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Please don't give away my fajitas
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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