laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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