Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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