No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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