The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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