marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
