she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he thought i was a dude.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
