6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
