You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
