i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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