I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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