if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
