Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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