What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
