Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
