yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
