eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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