I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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