I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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