Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
