Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
