I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
