im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize