Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize