hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
