Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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