I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You ruined the universe
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
