And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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