I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
