You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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