Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
