She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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