I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
