I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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