she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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