the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
