So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
