There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
