Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
