I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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