I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
