Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
