we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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