i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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