I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
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We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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