Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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