I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
