i wish peter jackson would direct porn
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
