Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
