ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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