It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize