I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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