I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
