I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
