I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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