i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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