my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
