Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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