Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Less talking, more tequila
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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