my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
